215.8

Today I was 215.8, which is a new low for me.  (That sounded like a bad thing, but was actually a good thing.)

Yoga is not for the weak

So I just did 20 minutes of Yoga, and let me tell you.  It is not for the weak.  Which is me.  I actually kind of enjoyed it, even though I was terrible at it, and couldn't get through the first 45 minutes (the whole thing is an hour and a half.  Yikes.).  But it felt bad, yet good. 

I have as of today only lost 5 pounds.  This is discouraging, but I know it'll get better.  I have a doctor's appointment on Monday to check my thyroid, etc just to make sure everything's in line.  Doesn't hurt, right?  Since I'm eating 1700-1800 a day and exercising 3 times a week at least, and nursing, you'd think I'd have some more progress.

We shall see.  I'm glad to have lost those 5 pounds, though.  It's better than nothing, and definitely better than gaining 5 pounds, which is what I was on track for doing before.

Back to the Beginning

As of today, I am the exact same weight I was when I started losing weight.  And I'm super frustrated.  And depressed.  I didn't go to the gym this morning, mostly because it was less than an hour before I had to be there when I realized that all three of the kids were either sleeping, sick with a cold, or eating peanut butter out of the jar with their fingers while I fell asleep feeding the one with a cold.  (Can you guess who's who?)  I also just didn't want to see or talk to anyone today.  If I had my wish, I would lie in bed all day, sleeping, not eating, and crying.  Since that's not an option due to the aforementioned kids and also my sanity, I guess I'll track my calories today, exercise here at home, and try to get more sleep tonight.

The reasons I'm not giving up:
    1.  I promised myself that this was really going to be the time to lose weight and get healthy.
    2.  I have a gym buddy who depends on me being there.
    3.  My super motivated husband is losing weight like crazy, and I really don't want to be the fat
        counter-part in our marriage.
    4.  Weight is so ridiculous, and flucuates like crazy.
    5.  I know that part of my depression/frustration is that I literally haven't had a good night's sleep in
         over 3 months.  Charlie gets all stopped up at night (the last 2 nights) so doesn't sleep well,
         wanting me to hold him.  I do, so he gets some sleep, but I don't really.  Couple that with the
         fact that my back is out of whack and really really hurting today, plus the fact that I was all
         bloaty and my legs were swollen last night, makes me think there's something weird going on
         with my body anyway. 
      6.  And lastly, because if I give up, I will get even heavier and more out of shape than I was
          before, and this is the time to do something about it.

But I still feel frustrated.

Inspiration

Um, wow.  This lady is a big motivator for me.  Look at the difference a year and 90 pounds makes.  She continued to lose weight after that, and lost an additional 47 pounds!  She now looks like this.

That's what I want.  A total transformation to a healthy, sleek Karen.  I can't even imagine what I will look like.  This lady (Ashley Donahoo) doesn't even look like the same person!  At all!  I'm having a hard time motivating myself because my progress is sooo slow. (Down 5 pounds)  But 5 pounds is a good start, and I need to just look at how much stronger I've become and how each 5 pounds will bring me that much closer to my goal.  Heck, those first 2 pictures is only a 6 lb difference, but you can see a difference!  Okay, I'm excited again.  Oh, plus you should see my jawline.  You actually can, now!  It's kind of fun.  It's going to look awesome once I lose another 5-10 pounds.