Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Back to the Beginning

As of today, I am the exact same weight I was when I started losing weight.  And I'm super frustrated.  And depressed.  I didn't go to the gym this morning, mostly because it was less than an hour before I had to be there when I realized that all three of the kids were either sleeping, sick with a cold, or eating peanut butter out of the jar with their fingers while I fell asleep feeding the one with a cold.  (Can you guess who's who?)  I also just didn't want to see or talk to anyone today.  If I had my wish, I would lie in bed all day, sleeping, not eating, and crying.  Since that's not an option due to the aforementioned kids and also my sanity, I guess I'll track my calories today, exercise here at home, and try to get more sleep tonight.

The reasons I'm not giving up:
    1.  I promised myself that this was really going to be the time to lose weight and get healthy.
    2.  I have a gym buddy who depends on me being there.
    3.  My super motivated husband is losing weight like crazy, and I really don't want to be the fat
        counter-part in our marriage.
    4.  Weight is so ridiculous, and flucuates like crazy.
    5.  I know that part of my depression/frustration is that I literally haven't had a good night's sleep in
         over 3 months.  Charlie gets all stopped up at night (the last 2 nights) so doesn't sleep well,
         wanting me to hold him.  I do, so he gets some sleep, but I don't really.  Couple that with the
         fact that my back is out of whack and really really hurting today, plus the fact that I was all
         bloaty and my legs were swollen last night, makes me think there's something weird going on
         with my body anyway. 
      6.  And lastly, because if I give up, I will get even heavier and more out of shape than I was
          before, and this is the time to do something about it.

But I still feel frustrated.

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