215.8

Today I was 215.8, which is a new low for me.  (That sounded like a bad thing, but was actually a good thing.)

Yoga is not for the weak

So I just did 20 minutes of Yoga, and let me tell you.  It is not for the weak.  Which is me.  I actually kind of enjoyed it, even though I was terrible at it, and couldn't get through the first 45 minutes (the whole thing is an hour and a half.  Yikes.).  But it felt bad, yet good. 

I have as of today only lost 5 pounds.  This is discouraging, but I know it'll get better.  I have a doctor's appointment on Monday to check my thyroid, etc just to make sure everything's in line.  Doesn't hurt, right?  Since I'm eating 1700-1800 a day and exercising 3 times a week at least, and nursing, you'd think I'd have some more progress.

We shall see.  I'm glad to have lost those 5 pounds, though.  It's better than nothing, and definitely better than gaining 5 pounds, which is what I was on track for doing before.

Back to the Beginning

As of today, I am the exact same weight I was when I started losing weight.  And I'm super frustrated.  And depressed.  I didn't go to the gym this morning, mostly because it was less than an hour before I had to be there when I realized that all three of the kids were either sleeping, sick with a cold, or eating peanut butter out of the jar with their fingers while I fell asleep feeding the one with a cold.  (Can you guess who's who?)  I also just didn't want to see or talk to anyone today.  If I had my wish, I would lie in bed all day, sleeping, not eating, and crying.  Since that's not an option due to the aforementioned kids and also my sanity, I guess I'll track my calories today, exercise here at home, and try to get more sleep tonight.

The reasons I'm not giving up:
    1.  I promised myself that this was really going to be the time to lose weight and get healthy.
    2.  I have a gym buddy who depends on me being there.
    3.  My super motivated husband is losing weight like crazy, and I really don't want to be the fat
        counter-part in our marriage.
    4.  Weight is so ridiculous, and flucuates like crazy.
    5.  I know that part of my depression/frustration is that I literally haven't had a good night's sleep in
         over 3 months.  Charlie gets all stopped up at night (the last 2 nights) so doesn't sleep well,
         wanting me to hold him.  I do, so he gets some sleep, but I don't really.  Couple that with the
         fact that my back is out of whack and really really hurting today, plus the fact that I was all
         bloaty and my legs were swollen last night, makes me think there's something weird going on
         with my body anyway. 
      6.  And lastly, because if I give up, I will get even heavier and more out of shape than I was
          before, and this is the time to do something about it.

But I still feel frustrated.

Inspiration

Um, wow.  This lady is a big motivator for me.  Look at the difference a year and 90 pounds makes.  She continued to lose weight after that, and lost an additional 47 pounds!  She now looks like this.

That's what I want.  A total transformation to a healthy, sleek Karen.  I can't even imagine what I will look like.  This lady (Ashley Donahoo) doesn't even look like the same person!  At all!  I'm having a hard time motivating myself because my progress is sooo slow. (Down 5 pounds)  But 5 pounds is a good start, and I need to just look at how much stronger I've become and how each 5 pounds will bring me that much closer to my goal.  Heck, those first 2 pictures is only a 6 lb difference, but you can see a difference!  Okay, I'm excited again.  Oh, plus you should see my jawline.  You actually can, now!  It's kind of fun.  It's going to look awesome once I lose another 5-10 pounds.

Fluctuation

This is my weight chart starting from when I was trying to lose weight before I got pregnant with Charlie until now.  Now the cat's out of the bag about how much I actually weigh, but I wanted to show how my weight flucuates.  It obviously went up when I got pregnant, but I find it interesting that it's so up and down day to day.  And even though the "up" days are frustrating, I need to remember that there is a downward trend overall.  I am 217.8 as of this morning.  I think the smallest I was in my adult life was 190 on my mission.  Since I'm only 5'7", I think there is a lot more I can lose (plus I had unneccesary curves then, too).  I'm only, what? 28 pounds away from being the smallest I've ever been in my adult life.  I really don't want to weigh over 200 anymore.  It's ridiculous. 

I've really been struggling lately with wanting to eat sweets.  I've had a cookie, some yogurt, pancakes, etc this week and it seems like I just want more and more.  I think I've got some leftover pregnancy cravings.  Haha.

Back in the Saddle

Well, I've been back to this weight loss thing again for about 3 weeks.  I've lost 3 pounds, which isn't as much as I wanted, but more than if I hadn't done anything, so there you go!  I'm going to the gym 3 days a week and walking on the treadmill at about 3-3.5 mph with a buddy of mine, and then I do the plank for awhile, some stretches, and some arm weights.  Yesterday I did the leg press and was able to do 150 lbs.  Wooooo, baby.  Now if only I weighed 150 pounds.  :)  We're getting there.  The biggest thing to losing weight, though, is what I eat.  So I have been tracking my calories.  Since I'm nursing, I've been very careful about eating enough while still trying to eat less than before (which was....who knows how many.)  Ever want a shock?  Measure out how much spaghetti you're supposed to have in a serving.  It looks soooo small.  Surprisingly enough, it more than filled me up.  So that was awesome.  I'm trying to keep my calories at 1700-1800.  If I get hungry though, I eat.  Cause Charlie wouldn't like it if his constant (CONSTANT) milk supply was diminished.  Anyway, here are a couple of my meals that were super good, but still healthy.

 This is a corn tortilla, crisped up on the stove, topped with 2 tbsp. guacamole, 2 scrambled eggs, 1/2 oz cheddar cheese, some green onions, and tomatoes.  It doesn't sound that amazing, but believe me, it is.  After I took the picture, I also added some Taco Bell mild sauce.  Cause that stuff is amazing.  At 320 calories, you could eat 2 and be ok, or eat some fruit or other food and still probably be okay (depending on what else you ate that day.)  It was super satisfying, though.  It took me awhile to eat since I was taking care of kids too, and because I ate slower, I was super full at the end.  Yum....I'm having this again for lunch I think.

Plus it's perdy.

This has been my breakfast, pretty much every day, especially before the gym.  It's 2 slices of Sara Lee whole wheat bread, 1 1/2 tbsp peanut butter, and a banana.  It's 352 calories, but I guess because of the peanut butter's protein, it really keeps me full until about 10 or 10:30 and then I just need a little snack.  Plus, who doesn't love peanut butter toast.

 

I've found that counting calories is super stressful at first, but after a couple weeks of it, you find that it's kind of liberating.  You're in charge of what you eat.  You decide what and how much, and you actually KNOW how much you're eating.  You don't mindlessly snack as much, because you have to keep track of it.  It's really really helpful for me.  And motivating.  That's not to say I don't want to make and eat an entire batch of chocolate chip cookies and eat them all right now.  Cause I do.  But I hate being overweight, and if I ever want to lose this weight and see my true potential, this has to be the way to do it.  Plus it's really not that bad now that I've been doing it.